This morning began with me rubbing my itchy neck as I slowly came into consciousness. The hives are back. My eyelids are red and puffy and feel like sandpaper, too. Oh joy.
Everyone deals with stress in different ways. Some people transfer stress to their digestive system and wind up with ulcers or crohne’s disease. Others send it to their muscles and get back spasms. I have always sent it to my skin. When I was in my twenties, more than once I broke out in horrible eczema on my hands that would eventually crawl up my arms when I began getting serious with men who were bad for me. What would start as a little itching on my ring finger would intensify to weeping blisters, and eventually my hands would crack and bleed every time I bent my knuckles. When I left these toxic relationships, my skin would return to normal within days as if nothing had ever happened.
I’m intentionally not dating these days because there is a great deal of stress in my life. I’ve written a book and it should go to the printer today. It’s tremendously exciting, but incredibly nerve-wracking, too. I’m networking to get the word out and also dealing with all the other parts of being unemployed, a mom, and a daughter to aging parents. I love the people in my life and I am tremendously grateful for them, but when you have people in your life that you love, there are responsibilities that go along with it. This is all the normal progression of life.
I am very happy being single and do not regret my decision, but with every choice, there are aspects we will love and others we won’t love. Even rock stars and pro athletes have those parts of the job that they wish didn’t exist. Being single and dealing all this pressure on my own is a drag. Being strong and responsible is definitely who I am, but occasionally, I wish I wasn’t doing this solo. It’s nice to have a partner in your corner who loves and supports you and can act as a safety net when you take risks. On the other hand, it’s infinitely better to be single than going through a difficult time with a partner who behaves as though he hates you and criticizes your every move.
I’m glad I have awesome friends who are there for me, love me, encourage me and build me up. I am grateful for an phenomenally wise and loving mother who is such an inspiration to me and my daughters. Most of all, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and grace of Christ who is there for me always, in every situation, and with tremendous and never ending abundance.
So if I know all of this, why do I still want to scratch my face off?
That will have to be the topic of another post. . .
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